A Letter to Alyssa
A farewell letter to my first toxic love
Hi Alyssa,
It’s been quite some time huh? About a year ago today we parted ways with each other, the separation wasn’t amicable especially on your part, but it was something that needed to be done. For years our relationship was getting rocky, and it was clear that me and you were no longer going to work out.
But we did start things off on a good note didn’t we Alyssa? Or should I call you by your real name?
We first met when I was 16, I was young and dumb and so were you. We had a very brief stint but afterwards we parted ways. It took 3 years later for us to rekindle our relationship again, but it was short-lived. We were like friends with benefits, there were no strings attached, we both liked it and saw no problems.
Somehow Alyssa, we’d always keep finding each other when we least expect it, whenever we did we wasted no time with our intimacy. It was clear there was something more we both wanted out of this “relationship”. You made that clear to me in 2020, after losing my grandfather and struggling with navigating a post-pandemic world. You were there for me, you let me confide in you, and I did the same for you.
At first our romance was all peaches and cream, it felt perfect. Every time I was with you it gave me euphoria. You made me feel powerful, like I could take on the world. My family and friends became more accustomed to you, whenever you flaked out on gatherings and events, people were worried that we broke up. Where I went, you followed along.
I always found it funny you kept insisting on calling you by your nickname “Alyssa”, like your real name was forbidden or something, but maybe it was just one of the few ways you deceived me, wasn’t it?
Over time things started getting hectic between the two of us, Dare I say your true side was starting to show. Your kind and forgiving nature started to crack as more of your real personality started etching its way into my life. Your toxicity and self-negligence, your depravity and attitude was starting to seep into me. You started changing me for the worst, pushing those around me away while you gaslit me, making me believe you were the only thing I needed.
We had a pattern you and I. We’d fight and break up, go no contact for a week, and then apologize and make up. Each time you’d say you’ll do better but that was never true and you know it. But really, I’m the stupid one for believing you every time you’d run back to me, and I’d foolishly let you back in with open arms. Everyone around me knew the damage you were causing, but I refused to listen, until you nearly took me to rock bottom.
Christmas 2023 will always be remembered as one of the worst holidays for me. You nearly tore me apart from my family, and turned what was supposed to be a joyous time of the year into a nightmare. You almost had me until New Year’s Day, when I finally cut my ties off with you. To you, it was sudden and unexpected, but for me? It was something I should have done a long time ago.
Oh Alyssa, or Alcohol as I’ll call you now. You hated your real name because of how ugly it made you sound, but the truth is that is what you are. Ugly. Inside and out. No matter how many times you pretty your self up with your bodacious curves or rose coloured lips. No matter how many times you try to convince those with your sweetness and smoothness, it will never hide who you really are.
Having broken up with you for a year now, I can say my life has become significantly better without you. I’ve grown emotionally, I faced my challenges head on, I didn’t have you giving me a false sense of confidence anymore. You were no longer there feeding me lies and pretending that everything was perfect. For the first time in a long time I felt like a human being, flawed and all. I wonder, what were you up to last year? Did you latch on to another man or woman like the toxic leech you are? Did you try to destroy their livelihood? I already know the answers.
I spent the last year figuring out who I was without you and it was freeing. If anything, it solidified my choice in leaving you. With all that being said, consider this my final goodbye to you Alyssa, Alcohol, Booze or whatever name you call yourself.
Sincerely,
Mark
